Come to the water all who are thirsty //
Come and drink //
Come to the table all who are hungry //
Come and feast //
Those who are weary, those who are needy //
Come receive //
Come to the river, Come to the river //
I will taste and see that you are good //
You are good to me //
My soul thirsts for you alone //
Only you satisfy my soul //
<<Housefires "Come to the River">>
The song above is just a glimpse of the lyrics that have been ringing within my soul over the past few months. The theme of the river continues to arise in this time and I pray it always will. That I would be thirsty, that I would be hungry for the Spirit of God; that He would forever be all that satisfies. In spring of 2011 my friend Mandy and I painted (in Haitian Creole) the words from John 4:13-14 "Everyone who drinks from this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I give him will become a spring of water welling up to eternal life." As I hear the words "come to the river" I think time and again of that sign we painted over 4 years ago and placed above the clean water well at Foursquare Haiti. I think of all the people who could come throughout the week to fill up their containers with cholera-free water and the reliance that the community had on clean water wells throughout the city. I so easily would read John 4:14 and think "yep, I drink from the living water. Praise God!" However, over the past few months the lyrics continue to bring me back to the reliance of the Haitians on the clean water and I have to ask myself, "am I reliant on Jesus as my living water just as the Haitians were for the clean water wells?"Am I living my life continually returning to the water? Is my source of life coming from the wells on this earth that dry up or from the well that never drys up? My God says that "whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I give him will become a spring of water welling up to eternal life." If I believe my God to be who He says He is I should not be thirsty for He has given me a spring of water that wells up to eternal life. This is the truth. This is a promise. This is something I get to hold on to and claim as my inheritance. My Father does not make empty promises. He has good things over my life. He has made me to display His glory to the world. He fills me everyday. His river of life wells up in me. Looking back over the past three years I felt like I had walked through a dark valley. Battling feelings of depression, health issues, and flashbacks from the past that had never been dealt with started to blind me from the promises that my Father gave. I lived half on the Truth and half on twisted versions of Truth with a defeated mentality. I countnued to work to push through and became tired time and again as the striving and trying to "muscle up and deal" never really got me anywhere. I began to place my dreams, my desires, my understanding of circumstance in front of Jesus on the throne of my life. I took life into my own hands in the thought that 1. It was what my Father wanted me to do and 2. It would satisfy the longing in my heart to be loved by the Father. Let me tell you, no matter what dream was achieved; no matter which desire was met; no matter when my understanding stood correct, nothing satisfied. Over the past 3 years I started to believe that my Father did not want me to come to Him. That He wanted me to talk with Him, but then, I needed to figure it all out on my own; and once I made a decision, I had to “grin and bear it” and couldn’t ask for help. All the false perceptions of the Father and my identity as a daughter started to compile and soon I found myself blinded-- knowing Truth in my head, but not in my heart. As work commenced throughout 2015 and I was directing MAP- the Young Adult Program- with YMI, I found myself split between two worlds and could not reconcile. I could feel a tension in my heart where healing needed to take place yet did not have a realization of the depth of healing that needed to happen and what was needed for this. | At church we have been reading through 1 John. It is in this book that Paul says, “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:15-17 I lost sight of my true Father and if I do not know my Father how can I love him? This realization shook me. I was communicating with God, trusting him to lead me, and seeking him; however, I was not standing on true and fresh revelation of my Father.As I said, I thought that He expected me to figure things out and "grin and bear it" when circumstances didn't turn out as expected. After college I started to work with Youth Missions International (YMI)—believing God had a plan to once again send me overseas—and this made sense as I was doing the Lord’s work, building a support system for when I would go overseas, reaching many with the gospel, and training and equipping young people. As my one year anniversary with YMI approached I could feel a tension within that could not be ignored. I sought the Lord on what He was leading me into and continued to be reassured that He wanted to do a deep healing in my life. As I sought him I asked “will you provide another job?” and he said “yes”. Then, this past July that job came into existence as I accepted a position with TEAM (The Evangelical Alliance Mission) as a missions coach in Tacoma. The transition into this role has been a blessing financially; however, more importantly it has given me space to receive healing emotionally and spiritually. I have had time to seek healing, prayer and continual counseling from hurts in childhood, from the confusion of my time in Haiti, and from the life of self-protection and self-sufficiency I had adopted upon my return three years ago. The Lord has opened my eyes to see that the dreams, desires, and understandings on my heart had taken the place of Jesus on the throne. He has poured out mercy in helping me to identify each piece individually and give back Jesus his rightful place in my life. I have been able to walk into the light of the reality that the Father loves- and desires- to connect with my heart; that he loves-and desires- to provide for me as his child; that he delights in me and has more for me each and every day. That the dreams and desires of my heart matter to him and he loves to walk through them with me. I have come to a place of recognizing that this is a journey. That my life did not end when I returned from Haiti, but really it began in greater measure. That when I was in Haiti he merely began to unfold a piece of the design he has for my life. That my Father has a great plan and destiny over my life in bringing Him glory and living in harmony with him… and the great part is, I simply get to be his daughter and keep my eyes on him as I partner with him in every day. As I sit writing this today- sitting by the ocean- I have started to dream with my Father in fresh ways. Dreams for this year, for the next 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, and beyond. What are my "BHAGS" or "Big Hairy Audacious Goals" as Pastor Dan Donohoue would say. This is a new day. "Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19 |
So, what does this all mean?
It means that I may be crying more in the next few months then I have in the past 15 years. It means that I am learning what it means to live in trust of my Father and dependence on him—that he loves for me to lean on him. It means that I can fully engage in community and the people the Lord places around me without fear. It means I can pursue freedom in my life and for my family. It means I can dream the BIG dreams with the Lord and trust him to bring them out in the proper time. It means I can be vulnerable. It means I can be me- Emily Marguerite Branch- Daughter of the King of Kings and Creator of the Universe; mother of the nations; woman of mission; child-like; worshipper; songbird.
Also, in the practical, it means that I will not be doing the internship at City Central Church in Tacoma, WA this fall. Rather, I will audit a classes at the church and Western Seminary (once I pay off my outstanding balance with Western). This is so that I can focus on TEAM this year and really get to know the organization and my role as a missions coach. This is also so I can get more debt paid off and be financially responsible and free!
I look forward to continuing to run this race marked before me and I am thankful for your prayers and support! Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more blogs in the future ;)
It means that I may be crying more in the next few months then I have in the past 15 years. It means that I am learning what it means to live in trust of my Father and dependence on him—that he loves for me to lean on him. It means that I can fully engage in community and the people the Lord places around me without fear. It means I can pursue freedom in my life and for my family. It means I can dream the BIG dreams with the Lord and trust him to bring them out in the proper time. It means I can be vulnerable. It means I can be me- Emily Marguerite Branch- Daughter of the King of Kings and Creator of the Universe; mother of the nations; woman of mission; child-like; worshipper; songbird.
Also, in the practical, it means that I will not be doing the internship at City Central Church in Tacoma, WA this fall. Rather, I will audit a classes at the church and Western Seminary (once I pay off my outstanding balance with Western). This is so that I can focus on TEAM this year and really get to know the organization and my role as a missions coach. This is also so I can get more debt paid off and be financially responsible and free!
I look forward to continuing to run this race marked before me and I am thankful for your prayers and support! Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more blogs in the future ;)